What The?

Let me start by saying, I love the Twins. And I love seeing the Twins on TV. But what in the heck is up with all the commericals boys? Justin, you are in a McDonalds commercial? For the love of God, why? Please explain that to me. I know you think being a "bat man" instead of a "pitch man" is cute, but it makes me think of you in  black rubber. And not in a good way.

To be fair, it's not just you, Justin. Joe Mauer, your commercials aren't all that funny either. It's cute that you are working with your mom, but I don't believe you eat ice cream. I'm sorry, I just don't.

Maybe this just stems from the fact that I sat in the rain and watched the Twins lose on Saturday. Or the fact that I used to work at McDonalds and I have nightmares. Whatever it is, please stick with the baseball boys. Look at Jason Kubel. He's on fire, with yet another homerun tonight against the Rockies. And ... no cheesy commercials. That's our boy.

Squirrel!

I love it. Thanks for helping A-Rod strike out little squirrel.

Check out our new mascot.

Sorry..

My appologies to our readers. I haven't been showing my face around here for awhile. Must just be that I'm busy with a 2 year old and life. Maybe. Though I'm still catching as many Twins games as they show in WI, like 1 per week. Other times I just have to follow the dots on Gameday. But I digress...

I think that lately my problem isn't that I've been too busy. Clearly from the state of my house and "overly busy" social life (HA!), I'm not that busy. I think that my problem has been that the Twins are WINNING. Holy crap. I mean good way to start the season, let's keep it up, and all. Overall, I'm happy with the win column being larger than the loss column. But it sure does make my job as a blogger hard. Ugh. As long as they're winning games that they should and staying ahead of the pack, I have relatively NOTHING of which to make fun of them for. Sure, I could go on all day about the boys' good looks, manly arms, and sexy batting. But really, who wants to hear all that?? I mean, you read this blog BECAUSE we poke fun at people. It's the best part, the cherry on top, the double stuff filling in the oreo....

Now, because I have little fodder for this blog, I've had to resort to Facebook and Twitter stalking to find little gems with which to poke fun at our favorite Twins with. Google and YouTube are also useful in this persuit. Yesterday I found this picture when googleing Michael Cuddyer:

You can draw your own conclusions about aaaaaaalll the jokes I could make. But I try to keep it Klassy. At any rate, maybe I will have to start posting more of the funny things people have seen our Twins do. Especially since I have a hard time making fun of us when we win.

Road Trip Wrap Up

It's the end of the first road trip, and usually road trips make me sad. I am, however, pleasantly surprised. Even though we lost today (I hate you Bobby Jenks!) it was a good trip. Here's what I think:

• Jon Rauch makes me happy. He's done a fantastic job of filling in for Joe Nathan. I heard someone say in the postgame show today that it'll only be a matter of time until he fails. Wow, thanks for being a buzz kill.  I, on the other hand, am happy with the way he's gotten 4 saves in 4 chances. And he's 6 foot 11. And I wouldn't find him attractive at all if he didn't have neck tattoos. But he does. So I do.

• I don't understand why Jose Mijares has a job. I really don't. When Jesse Crain is better than you, you need to stop. Just stop.

• I like the new guys. J.J Hardy and Jim Thome especially. Today was the first day that Jim Thome was up to bat with the game on the line and I encouraged him. I felt a little dirty.

• Denard Span needs to get it together. It's ok buddy, we'll wait.

First game at Target Field is tomorrow. I'm excited, but not excited enough to understand why coverage needs to start at 5 a.m. Show us what you've got Pavano!

Halos

What a nice start to the season. We miss you Torii Hunter, but not enough to let you win. Sorry about that. We will see you later this season though. So don't feel sad.

Hullabaloo

Dear Mr. Mauer,

Congratulations on your contract extension and your millions. Good for you. However, I would like to make a list of things that you need to keep in mind during the next 8 years:

1. Due to your immense popularity, I can no longer jump on your bandwagon. You are officially uncool, which is kind of depressing.
2. Again, due to your popularity, it is hard for me to get tickets anymore. This makes me sad and pissy as I have to plan ahead due to a small child (who can say your last name, and is not yet 2) and travel time. This also means that I will have to sit at home and watch what few games they show on television in Northern Wisconsin, and chant "Earn Your Keep" by myself. OH! And it forces me to watch games with my football fanatic husband who thinks baseball is for wusses who can't cut it in football or basketball. But you shouldn't have to pay for Michael Jordan's mistakes I suppose.
3. Cassy's grandma knows your grandpa. Therefore, it's like we're family. Come and visit sometime. I will kick your a** at The Bigs/MLB The Show any day.
4. You're making me sit at my computer, while I should be working, and blog about your money making ability. Now you're cutting into my real life...
5. I'm not sure what else. I just thought that this list needed 5 points.

At any rate, yay for millions. Please do not make us regret giving you a new ballpark and millions of dollars we may/may not have.

~K

8 for $184 Million

You're damn  right that'll bring me out of hiding. As just released by the Star Tribune, Joe Mauer has signed, or will sign tomorrow in an official press release, an 8-year, $184 million contract. Which, by my math, works out to about $23 million a year. Damn. It also includes a full no-trade clause, not that I forsee that being a problem unless he hurts himself. More than he already has I mean.

I'm excited. A little bummed because it's going to be even harder to get tickets to a freakin' game, but excited nonetheless. Congratulations Joe Mauer, now earn your keep.

I guess the news gives me a little boost after hearing Joe Nathan will be out for the season for sure now. I'm sad, and it couldn't have happened to a guy who deserved this blow less. When I watched the game today, he looked like he was handling the news beautifully. And, I must say, demonstrated his talent for doing play by plays, so hopefully he'll be around this season. I will miss the "Fear the Nathan" sign though.

One last thing, I'm liking Orlando Hudson. He's a class act. And quite humorous when I watched the interview with him later. We better be winning this season, because we're all going to be disappointed if we don't.

Tomorrow = Exactly two weeks until the season kicks off!

OMG!

People, I don't like this business with Joe Nathan. As much as Mr. Nathan appears to love the 9th inning drama (giving me a heart attack in the process...) he usually comes through for us. Then comes the wonderful news that he may be heading for Tommy John to repair ligaments (!)which will end his season.

Mkay, I know that he may (or may not) need the surgery to continue his stellar throwing ability, but what are we supposed to do without a closer??! HMM??

The article I mentioned above gives us a run down of those bullpen men (bullmen?) who would be our best bets should Nathan be out for the year. Here are my opinions on the Bullmen, and who should replace our beloved other Joe:

• Jose Mijares: Not sure we can trust him as far as we can throw him. Also, I know relatively nothing about him. No news it not always good news, Jose.
• Matt Guerrier: I like me some Matty. He's tall and has that cute little blonde curly hair that reminds me so much of cute lil Scotty Baker. Matty is a wonderful extended inning set up man, and I think I like him like that.
• John Rauch: Holy mother of neck tattoos! I have to say that John might be our best bet as a closer (I agreed with the article). I know I would poop/pee myself if I had to face him at the plate. Not only is he Ginormous, but he looks like he just got released from prison! Holy buckets.
• Jesse Crain: Wait, we gave him a contract?!?
• Pat Neshek: AAAH!! I'm so exited Patty is back! *sings* Sidearm slinging, we are singing... Patty could come in and help close the door! Plus I find him attractive. And it's nice to see more attractive people play baseball.
• Francisco Liriano: I'm a little confused by the mention of Liriano as a closer. Last year, he could barely get a strike, and the 9th inning is kinda when we need some. But if the reports can be believed, he's doing much better this spring, so he may not even be a consideration...

At any rate, we have some tough choices to make for who we send to the 9th. Let's hope its a fearsome tattooed choice.

But wait..

Apparently I missed Nick Punto Day! SHOOOOOOOOOT!!! Why has no one told me before?!?!

Olympic Torch Manouvers...

Since Spring Training is still another couple of weeks away, and baseball is relatively quiet right now; the Saints won the Super Bowl, no more football; and golf and tennis DO NOT interest me, I've been turning my attention to the Winter Olympics. During last night's Men's Halfpipe competition I was surfing the Twins website for any bits of information to satiate my absolute need for anything baseball I came across this little gem about Morney and the Olympic Torch. Apparently he has a special manouver for passing along the Torch. He had to swing it like a baseball bat! I'm not sure if I should call him a tool for doing this or comment on his ginormous arms and how good they look in a winter windbreaker...

Cassy's Musings

It's been awhile since the Chicks have been here ...I blame it on the fact that not much interesting has happened in baseball land as of late. But, here are a few of my current musings anyway:

• I can't blame Kevin Slowey for not updating his blog since I never update mine. However, if he would update his, I'd have something to write about, and could then update my blog. Ball is in your court Slowey.
• Now that they are on the same team, do you think Nick Blackburn can forgive Jim Thome for hitting that homerun that ruined all of our lives in 2008? Not sure if I have ...
• They announced that Scotty will be the Opening Day starter. Awesome, but try not to hurt yourself this year.
• Denard, I'm resisting the urge to follow you on Twitter.
• I'm still holding out minimal hope for Crede. If only because it would be nice for him and Thome to have a reunion.
• They need to hurry up and sign Joe Mauer because the articles on the Strib are getting ridiculous.
• I still miss Mike Redmond....

Ode to Mike Redmond

As many of us devoted Twins fans might have heard, Mike Redmond has signed with the Indians. While I'm not surprised (he old!) I am still saddened by his departure and offer this piece of Poetry in farewell:

Here's to Mikey,
friend of the meek,
who likes to walk around naked
at least once a week.

We loved his smile,
we loved his cracks.
But most of all,
we loved his naked at bats.

Here's to a player
who had talent to spare,
who hugged other players,
fierce as a giant grizzly bear.

Seeing you at spring training
was great, but don't fear.
Sorry I laughed (ha ha!)
when you fell on your rear.

So, we will miss you dear Mikey,
as you meet your new team.
If you come back to Minnesota,
these chicks will scream!

Love, the girls from Chicks on Second.

Why Bobby, Why?

While perusing the Twins website in true "I should be doing something more productive" fashion, I came across this article.

Now, first I was mad. Why in the world would we give up Bobby Keppel to sign a 34 year old relief pitcher who was on the disabled list TWICE last year? I know Bobby had his issues, but he had talent. And I very much enjoyed his bald head.

Then I got to the bottom of the article to read this: "In a corresponding roster move, the Twins announced that they released right-hander Bobby Keppel. The pitcher asked for his release so he could sign with the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters of the Japanese Pacific League for the 2010 season."

Ummmm what? WHAT? Ok, maybe Bobby wants to go to Japan. I get it. I hear it's a lovely place. But he wants to play for the Ham Fighters? What's so wrong with ham and why are they fighting it? Or are they fighting with ham? Which sounds greasy and unpleasant.

So now I'm left feeling hurt and confused. I liked you Bobby Keppel, and now you've left me. Sure, I yelled at you a few times when you walked three batters in a row, but it wasn't personal. I'm sorry if you took it that way. But you didn't need to run off and fight with ham. Or against it. I'm not sure.

But whatever it is you are doing, we wish you well in Japan. Be like Lew, and come home soon. Because we will most definately miss our bald reliever.