Aaaaand he's back!

Ok... so the big news in Twinkie Town now is the return of Joe Mauer. Joe returns after being on the DL for what seems like forever. He's had all sorts of problems lately, what with his kidney's and back. I was watching Sports Center the other day, and they were hating on the Twins saying that they "need" Mauer to boost the offense and bolster the defense. They were also talking about how Joe should take all the time he needs to get better and become a better Joe. Personally? I think he's been reclining in Cabo for awhile. Enjoying the sun and fruity drinks with umbrellas. Maybe even a massage or two. I imagine when Gardy or other players would call to ask how his recovery was coming, he'd have to make up some wacky cover for where he was at the moment:

Cuddy/Gardy/Etc: Joe! How are you feeling?

Mauer: (spicy mexican music playing) Baaaaad guys. I went to the doctor today. They say I have arthritis in my back now. They think that it will cure itself in another two weeks or so.

Players/Coachs: Really? That's horrible. We miss you Joe.

Mauer: (still playing spicy mexican music, party sounds) Miss you too honey! See you soon; I'll bring bread on the way home!

Maybe that's just my take on it. Maybe he was really sick and injured.

Ok... enough speculation. What I do know about Joe Mauer's return tonight is the EXCITING debut of his new batting music. Y'know the song they play, then they announce the name of the batter and everyone loses their minds screaming and clapping?? Yeah, that one. Well I found out that he's got this new music that was composed just for him. It's called the "Joe Mauer Theme Song." Apparently our boy Joe usually chooses songs by rapper "T.I." and according to the article posted on http://www.twinsbaseball.com/, he "wasn't feeling the energy from [T.I.'s] new material," so one of his pals in the business said that he'd drum up something new for him this year. (Who new Joe had friends in the business?!? Maybe he can get me an audition on American Idol or some crap like that. That would be HOT! ANYWAY! I keep getting distracted.)
So this year the same guy who did last year's song wrote Joe Mauer a new song to help him feel the need to hit some homers and run some bases, and we all know how important bases and homers are in the long run. And you need badass music to do it to. Just ask Brendan Harris. He borrowed Joe Mauers music maker to make his own theme song. Wonder when they'll debut his music? Or have they already done it??? It makes me wonder why Justin doesn't have his own theme music. Something heroic, and uniquely Canadian maybe? What about Nathan? I think his should be something from a horror movie so when he comes out onto the mound the batters and other fans quake with fear. I know I would. Cuddy would probably have some type of classic rock vibe, and lil' Nicky Punto would have something perky and slightly dangerous for all those whacked out moves he pulls.
So, all you Twins fans, be excited for the return of Joe Mauer. Let's hope his playing can get us above .500 (let's face it. We need the boost at this point.) And let's hope his "Joe Mauer Theme Song" rocks too. New year, new music, new Joe???